Thursday, June 30, 2011

Ghostly sands

Ghostly Sands - a Tempest and the Hurricane Poem by Marc E Aupiais

Image by Marc Aupiais. Copyright Marc Aupiais. All rights Reserved.

Ghostly Sands- read by author/poet Marc Aupiais

Ghostly Sands

Help me to ~obey you
~Lord; ~whether ~win
~or ~lose~ in the sands;
desert sands; of deadly
time and space; Chronus
world; death of life;

I sing this song,
Invisible hand of God;
I adore;
I break;
I fall upon the sands and waves;
Death I am;
The Secret Hand of God;
Upon the world
The Writer and his pad;
I fall; I break;
I collapse; but I will obey;
Even if I lose all;
$Ghost I am; Phantom
I am dead; I cannot die;
So I sigh;
For I love you love$
You fit like a strange eternal glove;

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The day God mislead... Wouldn't say lie... Mislead!

Picture: Cat-loves by M E Aupiais! All Rights Strictly Reserved!

Poem by M E Aupiais

You lied, God!
I say! Not in the ordinary way!
I'm sure I just misread,

Misunderstood your meaning when you said!

Divine equivocation!
Or I messed things up,
Or mis-remembered!
You lied God,
Di' you not?

Though I'm sure you divinely told the truth,
What are my paths?
How can I understand yours!

Or prophecies not yet due to come to pass!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Your presence

Picture: Plant likes by Marc Evan Aupiais! Copyright! All Rights Reserved!

M E Aupiais

Moi, ego, I!
I want! Is it not!
I want! I want! I write I want!

Yet I cannot have what I want!
What I want is to be with!
What I want is to feel!
What I love in you!
Is you!

I want to be subject!
To your veto's!
To be subordinate!
To your senses!
And whims,

You sensibilities!
Your wants!

I love my vibrating soul!
I am content in it!
But a soul was made to dance!
Not alone!

But with another!

And though I am fire!
I need to cool in your ice!
Ice queen, icy throne!
I want!
To be the fire in ice!
And cooled as fire by you,
icy winds of change!

My love!
I do but desire to be your love!
Below your guiding hand!
And you also influenced by mine own guiding hand!

I want!
Us to be ours!
You to be mine!
Me to be yours!

I do not desire to be you-
Though I can be jealous at times!
What I want is to be me and you!
An us of sorts in times!

Its your presence-- soul ~I love; dear

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Poem by Marc Aupiais

If I could get over you I would,
Over a Ghost on my mine!
In my head! Instead of by my side!???

If I could forget!
Or find another!
But there is no instead!
However desperately I've searched!

No backup!
No plan!

Just you!
A distant figure!

Just you!
A distant!

Seeing through the glass chasm

Poem by Marc Aupiais

The condemnation,
Of my dreams,
Of my thoughts,
Things I see!

A glass castle or ice castle!
But a chasm,
And a bridge!
I am not permitted!

Nor allowed near!

And I see you,
I feel you!
I watch as life plays!

But a glass chasm separates us!
I am not permitted!

I weep, it turns icy cold!
Winds up!
The chasm before!
I am close to the edge!
Looking for a better view!

The winds fly and knock up!
They graze me with shards of glass!

I am close to the edge!
I'm nearly over the edge!

A glass chasm separate!
I see you put out your light!
A night light nearby!
And you prepare for bed!

A glass chasm separates us,
Thousands of miles!

Its cold out here!
I'm near the edge!

What hurts is I love you,
I'm near the edge!

A glass Chasm separates us!
I plead! I break!
I weep!
A glass Chasm separates us!

I pray! I weep! I pray! I pray! I pray!

I hear of your happiness

Poem by Marc Aupiais

I hear of your happiness!
Well done! Truly,
Yet I cry, weep,
Not in jealousy of your

But that he get to be there,
Not me!
To share it,
Not me!
To celebrate!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

My failure

Note by Marc Aupiais

19 days no fantasies, then last night after embarrassing myself in front of a friend! So tomorrow is day 1 again;(! But I'm stronger than start and getting to know me again!

I've been escaping reality so long! Partly to escape pain! Suffering!

But reality is cold; and reality is hard! And I must face the music which is reality! I failed for a few moments, but like poison! It destroys me!

Missed my liver meds because of it! Self punishment I should avoid!

Hopefully can take them before I start having ill health!

I'm more determined than ever! And unlike some! I'm admitting my failure! I'm trying again! Publicly! I am no stage actor!

What I can't escape

Poem by Marc Aupiais

From the start! It was escape!
From the world! And to escape from you!
Held down! I had to be!
Held here! No I could never escape!

And whatever I try! It won't go away!
I love you, really do!
And somehow! Some way!
I love you! I know I DO!

Speak to me! I want to hear!
To know! No matter!
I want you!


Poem by Marc Aupiais

Of life!
Of life!

I fear! To make a life!
A life with or without you!

Fear! I feel! Fear I am!
Always fear! Eternally fear!

Of becoming something that matters,
Of being wrong! And right!

And yet! Fear I shelve!
I ought to shelve!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I long

Poem by M E Aupiais

I love more than life! I long! I need! I cannot have!

Ice, glaciers of pain!
Cold! Distance!
I miss! I long!
I weep! It turns icey cold!

Icey winds surround me!
All is lost if not in you!

I pray to God!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Anything... I know,,, I'd do for only you

Poem by Marc Aupiais

And exploring emotions beyond,
I turn to how...
I think of you...

And realise,
I'd take!
I'd try!
Just to get you back,

Any indignity..

And so I strengthen myself!
On facts,
You are not mine to sad!

And though any indignity!
I'd act!

What point in that?
Your mind's made its choice,
That's that!

And anyway!
If we beg, borrow, scream!
What good is it!

If I shall get you!
I shall be dignified!

But admitting my
desperate desires!

Makes me understand!
~how tragic~ is my love~
~for you~

Emotions pure

Poem by Marc Aupiais

Marking my territory,

I want to wet the entire room!
Odd emotion,
Terrible image!

Yet rather than dismiss!
I admit my desire,
And of course resist it!

Bang, baie bang,
Stress, distress!

When this instinct raises!
I know how I feel!

We should not blindly follow any desire!
But God reveals his creation!
By us!

And our desires!
Are wrong! True! Evil!

But the speak!
Alarms bells!

Warn us of evil!
And when our lives sink!

Saturday, June 11, 2011


Poem by Marc Aupiais

I find the irony!
True love!
Corinthian love!
One and thirteen!

I feel love for you!
I would die for you!

And my career,
Compared to you!

I'd die for you,
Lose all for you!
To be by your side,
For YOU!

The irony!

For evil is the lesser,
Which prevents the greater!

You are losing out, on me!
It seems!

And it hurts!
Because of my love;
For you!

It's true!

Sadly true!

And fight it or not,
I love you!

I wish I didn't~

Friday, June 10, 2011


Poem by Marc Aupiais

I want to stop for your sake,
Not to enjoy,
Or live!
Not to have fun!

And yet I remember!
How quickly you forgetfulness!
How all I gave,
You gave away!

And so!
I sing!
I dance,
I rejoice!

I act exactly as you'd have me not!

And I encourage this!
Based on memory!
Of fickleness!
Of brokeness!
Of fur trees,
Forest Fires!

Of your promise:
Of forever!

I can find it too!

Tuis toe gaan

Foto na Marc Aupiais! Copyright Marc Evan Aupiais! All Rights Strictly Reserved!

Gedig Deur Marc Aupiais

Afrika, is my huis,
Afrikan, my eerste gedagte,
En ek huil!
Vir Afrika,
En ek Lag!
Vir die nasie!

Afrika Glo Na God,
En die republiek,
Van die wereld.

Waar elke mense moet asseblief goed wees.
Waar God is nie bose nie.
Waar God is nie op die syd van bose mense nie.
Nee, hy is nie jou God nie.

En ek dink van huis,
Ek wil tuis toe Gaan!

Ek wil na die natuur van ons God nou glo!

Maar, waar is jy?
Jy is nie Afrika nie!
Jy is nie hoop nie!

Ons glo na die Republiek,
Ons glo na God,
Ons glo na hoop,
En die Good!
Nie die bose nie!

Maar jy,
Jy glo na liedjies,
En na die klip bose,
Nie die klippe van hoop nie.
Jy glo na bose mense,
En moeder,
En die bose nasie?
Nie die Republiek van my wereld nie.

En ek huil! Vir jou! Meisiekind!

Jy is nie Afrika nie!
Jy is nie ons boeme,
Hy is nie ons hoop,
Jy is nie ons nie!

En ek huil!
Jy weet nie God nie?
Is dit die waarheid?
Of 'n ander God?
Die God van die bose dood!?

Jy glo na mense,
Ek glo na God!

En ek Huil,
Jy is nie Afrika se meisie nie!
Maar is jy bose?
'N bose meisiekind?

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I wonder at the dawn

Poem by Marc Aupiais

Night! Monsters a stalking!
Night walk!
Stained yellow sky!
Prowl! Monsters a prowl,
Night! Watch!
A waiting on dawn!

I do not live large!
Or experience ease!
Pain in my back,
My liver!
My all!

And tiredness!
Yet I think not of her!
Even knowing, a thought would take all pain!
Her image would make it dissipate! Sway!

I turn to you,
God endured pain!
You were not too handsome!
Ugly, Isaiah said!

You did not scream, shout!
Pursue the ways or live!

You humbly taught,
And humble! You died!

I try fix my back!
The pain stays!
My liver too!
My mind astray!
And fire,
All over me!
The sort that staid!

Catholic soldier!
My life is for pain!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

When illness strikes

Poem by Marc Aupiais

When illness strikes,
My mind says you!
I ignore my mind!
Endure all pain!

It used to be you took my pain!
It all disappeared!
I enveloped in you!

But now!
I think instead my due!

Stand pain!
A Catholic soldier!

As I feel I burnt at a stake!
Or such pain!
I can't explain!

It I endure!
My duty!

I think not of escape!
On you I cannot rely!

Laughter to sadness

Poem by Marc Aupiais

Laughter! To sadness!
Disdain! To pathos!
I still have my love!
Though I'm no fan of yours!

Dark paint!
I see on you!
Dark make up!
Arthur's Morgana!

And a purple, black dress!
Classic villain!

I love you,
Blackest of names,
Blackest star!
Moon! Once graceful!

And I wonder at you!
Goddess of the moon?

How does it feel to abandon!
Love, God!

For a now!
That's not made!
For your soul!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Die mense in die venster!

Gedig Deur Marc Aupiais

Die mense wat dink,
Is dit die waarheid?
Sal ons nou huil!
Sal alles gaan weg?
Die mense wat dink, is dit die waarheid,
Is die mense wat dink,
Is die mense wat dink, nou dood!!?

En jou ouers!
Waar is hulle?
Is hulle dood?

Ek wonder na jou meisiekind,

Waar is jy!
Glo jy van jou God?
En van my hoop?

Waar is jy?
Foto na a raam!

En die mense na die venster!
Hulle jy kan koop en verkoop!

En dink jy van die wereld?
Of is elke dag?
Is jou lewenskap nie vir jou nie?
Is elke dag vir jy 'n glimlag?
Moet jy altyd lag?

As die engele het gehuil!
En ek wil huil ook!
Vir jy!

Jy is a meisie in 'n raam!
Die venster van a foto!
Jy is nog nie dood nie!
Wil jy myne wees?

Waar is jy meisie, wie is hierdie Meisiekind!!?

Gedig Deur Marc Aupiais

Die meisie van my droome!
Is dit die einde?
Vinnig, nou hardloop!
Waar is jy meisie,
Vrou van my toekoms!
My vrou!
My meisie!

Waar is jy?
Is jy hierdie meisiekind?
Is dit al?
Is dit genoeg- vir jou!

Om a foto in 'n raam,
Te wees, my lief?

Waar is jy, my vrou?
Is jy daar, hier, waar?

Ek kyk vir jou!
Ek mis jou!
Meisie! Waar is jy,
Is dit die waarheid meisie?

Is jy all jy is?

Waar is my vrou?

Die Meisie van my Droome!

Gedig deur Marc Aupiais

Jy is die meisie van my droeme.
Die vryheid van my hart!
Jy is altyd saam met my siel!
Maar jy is daar!
Nie hier nie!

Jy is die droome van die mense!
Jy is die droome van die wereld!

En as ek slaap!
En as ek waak!

Ek dink van jou!

En vandag ek lag!
More, sal ek huil!
En die volgende day!
Ek weet nie!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

The torment of the Tempest

Poem by Marc Aupiais

I feel like a man on the monster hunt!
The narwhal! The great monster!

You are my unicorn,
Just out of reach!

Tormenting me for years!
And prodding, hurting me!
When I give up chase!

Oh the joy of life without you!
Even death a delicate beauty!

I wish for it!
Even death,

As long as not near you!

And though so easily I ignore you!
You don't go away! Please, why won't you leave my mind?

LEAVE? Surely!
I do not want you near!

You thoughts!
Oh! You monster!

I flee you!
You only pain me, it seems!

Every word, every choice!
Exactly to hurt me most,
And why?

I wonder? Black Beast!
As you rear,
And hurt me more!

What did I do or neglect!
That so hurt you?

Or is it just an image of you?
Haunting phantom! Monster!

Who won't leave me!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Dearest God- and false hope

Poem by Marc Aupiais

Some people dream the
world and get whatever it
is they ever want! The
rest of us dream! And get
only delusions from it!
False hope!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

I said to her, whispered in fire

Poem by M E Aupiais

I said to her,
Whispered in flow of flame,
In icy cold!

I admitted my sin,
My secret love!

And a black mare,
Stampeded me,
And circled and reared!
And broke at me!

Not her,

As I realise,
I've been holding,
An excuse not to love,

What can never be.

Yet you,
Just as seeming, impossible!
I still love, just so much more!

Why? Do I love!

Have you ever?

Poem by M E Aupiais

Have you ever?

Have you ever...
Have you ever loved,
When all said don't?

Fought your soul,
Referred your heart,
To all the facts,

And still,
No, it says,
I will love!

Have you felt,
That that view is spoilt,
That bread pointless,
That achievement nothing,

For you,
Your heart is disquiet!

Have you ever longed constantly,
For one at a distance,
And had no satisfying glance,
No redemption from that want?

Have you ever?
Surely not?

Though for me!
This is my heart!?

I look at the TV, prince, queen of all lies!

Poem by Marc Aupiais

"Anything is possible",
"Nothing cannot be",
"Fame, can be yours",

But I don't want fame,
And fortune is empty,
It can't satisfy truth!

"You can be mine",
"Won't you love me!?",
Tapes Siren calls,
Broken lies,
We oft repeat!

"To entertain",
No, to imprison, to corrupt!

Rightly did Augustine-
The entertainer,
Call as corrupt!

They who distract from God,
From life,
Selling false hope!

To love those who pay them,
To love the love of fans,
But not the people behind them!

And the tv is on!
I am watching,
Those who never stop lying!
On screen,
But perhaps everywhere!

And among them is there good?
I see not one!

My daily cross, life

Poem by Marc Aupiais

As love, you, me: crucify!
I carry my cross;
A simple lot!

Love, where it ought not be,
Life, I live,
But for God, not you!

This is the command,
Should life be risk,
Move, leave the place,

Carry daily your cross!
Live, obey God!
This is our one command,
Obey God,

Obey the God of life,
Not money! Not lusts or lust,

He who knows,
Is he who Obeys!

And I wonder at the command!
It is why I live!

What the world

Poem by Marc Aupiais

What the world?
What the world,
What the world,
Not my world,
Not my world?

And you say to me,
That I'm not to be seen!

And you say,
You shan't mayn't succeed!

What the world,
What, the world,
Not my world,
Not your world!

And you say,
Don't be mean,
See, God was mean,
And rightly condemned?!

Calling people snakes, open graves!

Endangering his people!
What a loser?

What the world,
What, your world?!

If you give me no chance-
Will I succeed?

In winning your heart!

But remember this!
I do succeed!

More than you, ever tried!

I mayn't be much,
But I'm famous, famous to God!
His achievements-

He wasn't Pretty,
Isaiah said he wasn't to be!

He died, in public,
Not a friend!
A traitor!

What the world?
Not my world!

And not yours either,
If you want me also too!

Fortune has made it easier

Poem by Marc Aupiais

Fortunate! Your acting!
Like on with hedenist touch!
Like one, without self respect; love!

Fortunately you open that sheepish mouth;

For though emotion wants
: pamper, love, care, give -
All for you!

Emotion, thanks to you,
Can't rule!
And in day 6 I am!

And objectively I know,
I can't love you!

Reason rules!
And holds emotion!
Drowns emotion!
Though it still doesn't yet leaves.

I love you!
My prayers to stop unanswered!

I love, adore,.......
But Love!
Subject to reasons!

With prayer and friends!
Day 6 without thinking of you,
Thanks to cheese, waves and seasons!