The me below me~

Poem by Marc Aupiais

Please Lord; I can't control me,
I said looking down at me.
Lying on a bed.

I don't want to sin,
I protest.
But he controls me~

So God looked at me quite funny.
In my high tower of airs.

You aren't Marc, he said.
So I sank into Marc. Into me~

I was scared to pray what he said.
Scared to think it.
I hadn't... Years... Said.

And as me below.
I spoke clear to God.
Full sentences. Paragraphs.

Real! Real! .. Marc!

I explained to God my selfish wants;
But they weren't selfish;
Just needs, wants;

I explained how I felt;
I, I had drained away;

About her... About him... About me... I... Her!
My wants and desires.
Real Marc! Marc!

Then we talked sin!
My excuse was quite gone.

I said: God, I don't want to sin.
It makes me feel sad.

I sin because I'm sad.
I want to feel loved!

And I hurt her...
Jealousy... And to make her jealous...
Way back... I regret it so!

Suddenly that unreasonable foe.
Marc... Who has needs,
Wants so much.
Dreams... Hopes.

Who loves eggs. Dislikes bread.
Who dislikes what's wrong.
Likes good. Loves good.
Sexy, good is!

And light emerged.
Having waken from sleep.

And a beautiful dream.
Beautiful girl. In white.
Does singing to me!
Smiling. To me. Living all
to moi!

Real Marc! Who hates pretence.
Hates dishonesty.
And sluttery. Male and female.

And doesn't like those who lead us on.

But intellectual Marc used to object.
Today the higher Marc is gone.
And crazed. Real! Scary Marc.
Selfish Marc.
Marc I was embarrassed of.
Finally won!

Moi! Me! I!
You! Your! Truth!
Girl in white dress! Is quite!
Revealed to me!